Thoughts

I can tell you I’m fine. I can tell everyone I’m fine.

But inside, i feel nothing but emptiness. I always base my happiness on one person and when that one person is gone, I lose the ability to feel happy.

I’ve been thru this before. Told myself “the next time I won’t”. But I can’t. It’s just me. I never learn. When I love, I become stupid. I become delusional. I picture a future with the person and think nothing will go wrong. I forget the word “change” exists.

I have this perfect picture of how I want things to turn out and I believe in it too much. They say fairytales don’t exist but in my mind it does. They say we should not expect cus with expectation comes disappointment. But I don’t believe anyone actually applies that to their lives. We’re human and no one would want to live in misery forever. We'll at least expect happiness to come to us someday right? I mean if we really gave up expecting things to get better, wouldn't we all really turn to suicide and give up on life?

I actually havent written such posts here cus I usually Tumblr my thoughts cus like I said, I wanna only feel this space w happy memories.

But well...just to keep this space alive, I'll share these feelings...